When it comes to speaking in front of others, the most powerful non verbal body language we engage in is what we do with our eyes.
I remember when I was at high school and preparing to give one of the dreaded yearly speeches in English class. The teacher advised us to just fix our eyes on a spot at the very back of the room if we were feeling nervous. I was 16, it was my sixth form year and I was required to give a speech on someone famous. I chose Donald Duck!
I learned my speech perfectly, I was well prepared, but I was terrified. I hated public speaking and managed to avoid any classes or activities that required standing up in front of a group of people. As I sat at my desk waiting for my turn to speak, the fear was so intense I wished I was dead.
My name was called, I walked to the front. I didn't need notes as I'd memorised it. I faced the class...but I couldn't look at them. It was just too intimidating. The advice to look above them at the back wall was forgotten. I turned away from those faces watching me and gave my speech looking out towards the windows. Not once did I catch the eyes of my classmates!
How do you think it went? Did I make an impact? Did I connect?
Well, my friends remembered little about my speech and the history of Donald Duck. They have never forgotten how I refused to look at them as I spoke. I was teased for years!
Consistent and continued eye contact as we speak is how we connect with others. As we connect with our eyes we can feel into the essence of the other person, we can really see them - who they are, their integrity, their honesty, their authenticity in that moment. And they see
us! When we are public speaking, eye contact is essential for us to reach into our audiences hearts and convey the messages we're sharing.
How much eye contact is enough?
It's good to aim for 2-3 seconds of eye contact from one person to the next. This can depend on the size of the audience you're speaking too. In a small to medium sized group, aim to sweep your eyes over the whole group so they all feel included. It's important to not just flick your eyes around without a meaningful connection with anyone. Aim to pause for those few seconds and feel
the connection.
In a larger audience, aim to connect eyes with those in the first few rows of people and as far back as you can. As you make the effort to fully engage with your eyes, it becomes a natural and easy thing to do.
When we're nervous it's tempting to not look at anyone and instead focus on our notes, the roof, the back of the room etc...However if we can have courage and find a friendly face, meet their eyes, pause for 2-3 seconds, really feel into that connection, then there is a wonderful exchange of energy and support that takes place. You feel supported. They feel seen. Your words have much greater impact and power.
Practice using more eye contact in your daily life with the people you come into contact with. Think about the 2-3 second timeframe. Try going longer and see how that feels. In the courses I run I often get the group to hold eye contact with each other for up to 10 seconds! This is an intense experience and good practice to realise how easy 2-3 seconds is.
As you practice your daily eye contact, become aware of how you feel as you consciously hold the connection with the other person. Bring this into your public speaking and see what happens.
You'll be transformed into an authentic, powerful speaker!