When do we ever not feel scared of life?
When do we ever feel we’ve ‘made it’, achieved all our goals, reached our dreams?
I don’t think it ever ends.
At 21, I often felt scared, a bit lost, uncertain. At 55, I’m still a bit scared, not so lost or uncertain, but often on the edge of, “Help, what’s next?”
So what are some ways to help with the fear of not achieving our goals and dreams?
Realise you’re not alone
Most people feel like this at some point in their lives.
Sometimes it never really goes away — lurking just beneath the surface.
It’s easy to look at others and think they have it all together — achieving all their goals, living their dreams with such ease.
I guarantee if you scratch a little below the surface of most people’s lives, there is fear and uncertainty. It may not be a lot, but it’ll be there.
Every human is striving for something — from the basic survival needs of finding food, shelter and warmth, to reaching their highest visions for life.
And that’s scary.
What if I starve?
How do I pay the rent, mortgage, power this month?
What if I’m mediocre?
What if I end up old, lonely, poor, sick, depressed?
You’re not alone.
Talk to someone about your fears. Be vulnerable. Let them share theirs.
Listen. Empathise. Laugh.
It will help you both.
Nothing is Wasted
My daughter worries she’s wasting her time doing a degree that may not be what she really wants to do.
In my 20’s I received a Diploma in Massage Therapy and worked as a massage therapist for several years. My path changed as I got married, had children and put my energies into other areas.
I joined Toastmasters, became passionate about public speaking and set up a business teaching public speaking within the corporate sector.
Ten years ago I went through a divorce, changed my lifestyle, left the city and moved to a small alpine village. Very quickly I needed to find a way to earn money. I saw an advert for a massage therapist in a day spa.
Now, I manage my own mobile massage business, offer public speaking coaching and travel overseas as a Tour Leader.
I’m surprised I’m still massaging. When I gave it up over twenty years ago I didn’t expect to still be doing it today!
Nothing is wasted.
Life is not predictable and we just don’t know how our learning and experiences will be utilised over the course of our lives.
Relax
It always works out. It really does. Sometimes not in the way or timing we expect.
But isn’t that the juice of life? Being surprised. The unexpected. The random events and experiences that shape our lives.
We often put incredible pressure on ourselves to reach our goals and to do so in the allocated time frames we create.
And then, we don’t. We do something else. Life goes in a different direction. We make different choices. Some good. Some foolish.
How do you judge that?
In the end, it’s all learning, growth, expansion. It’s life!
Relax and try to enjoy the process. And if this line makes you cringe, take a deep, slow breath in…and out…it’s all going to be ok.
Be Flexible
I have different specific goals and dreams now to what I had when I was younger. I dreamt of a career in television, an apartment of my own, a sporty car, world travel, a family, write a book.
Have I achieved these goals I had as a 20-year-old?
Yes and no.
I did own a sporty metallic blue BMW convertible mid-life-crisis car for a short period. I thought it would help me feel alive and free. It didn’t!
I now experience immense joy and freedom on my sleek, orangey-red mountain bike.
I have not had a career in television, but I work as a public speaking coach helping people find their authentic speaking voice and as an MC at events like weddings and conferences. Not quite TV presenting but using my presentation skills to bring information and inspiration to audiences.
I’ve never owned my own home or had an apartment but I’ve lived in some gorgeous houses with stunning views of lakes, mountains and nature.
Yes, I’ve created a family and mothered six children to adulthood. I didn’t plan to get divorced. It happened.
World travel? Plenty and my latest gig is a tour leader for a local company. One of my massage clients is the owner.
During one of our massage sessions, he asked,
“Would you like to run one of my tours?”
“Sure, where do you go?
“Where do you want to go?
“Africa?”
Last year I travelled to Africa as a tour leader! A safari in Kenya and Tanzania for three weeks with a group of seventeen awesome people. I didn’t plan that! I simply had a desire for ‘world travel’ and asked the question of the universe, ”How do I get to Africa?”
I haven’t written a book…yet. I’m writing on Medium. It’s a start!
I’m flexible with how my life pans out. This allows all sorts of possibilities to flow in.
Be flexible and be prepared to be deliciously surprised.
It’s OK to feel scared
Be kind to yourself when you feel scared. You’re not a failure or abnormal.
Take little steps forward.
Remember how far you’ve come and what you’ve achieved in life so far.
I reminded my daughter she’s almost finished her second year of the degree. I asked her what she’s really enjoying about it. Her voice lifted and she excitedly told me of the group projects she loves where her leadership abilities shine.
“And I can’t wait for next year when we work on real film sets and I can experience producing and directing.”
Feeling scared is a natural part of living.
It helps to remember when we feel fear around moving forward into something new, it’s because we’re expanding, growing, changing.
See it as a sign of progress, accept it’s inevitable, take a deep breath and step forward into your vision for yourself.
My daughter has discovered a line in a song she finds soothing to her fears and inspires her to keep going even when terrified of failure.
“If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.”
(Life of Dillon — Dreams)