. I work with bodies. All sorts of bodies. Men, women, young, old, lean, chunky, wrinkled, toned, hairy, smooth, tight, relaxed. Many variations, all unique.
Recently I massaged one of my favourite clients. She makes me laugh and she loves my deep tissue techniques — elbows into her glutes and hammies so deep she’s gasping for breath. I always begin each massage with a foot massage — delicately stroking between each toe, firmer pressure on her soft instep and the sensitive reflexology points. I sweep up onto her beautifully proportioned calves and hamstrings, using my forearms for even pressure and flow. I move up and down the length of her legs, varying my depth, in a steady rhythm, feeling the muscles lengthen and relax.
I’ve always admired her legs — firm, well toned, muscular in an ‘I used to be an athlete’ kind of way. She did actually represent New Zealand in sport at some point in her youth!
At the end of the massage we’re randomly chatting and she says, “I hate my legs”.
“What?! Your legs are amazing! And you don’t even have any cellulite!!”
“Oh, yes I do. I have it everywhere!”
I’m flabbergasted! She literally has NO cellulite! NONE! But she thinks she does.
“And I’ve never, ever owned a pair of jeans. I refuse to wear them as my legs look terrible. I mean look at them, they’re so ugly and big.”
I’m in shock. This woman has seriously good legs. Mini skirt legs. Daisy from Dukes of Hazard legs. Legs that can wear tight denim shorts. Legs that I’ve always wanted. I hate MY legs!
So why is it we, mainly women, hate on our bodies so much? Why do we think certain parts of our bodies are so vile? How can my client think her legs are hideous when all I see is beauty? Is this body dysmorphia?
For most of us though, we usually have a certain part of our body that we dislike, that we wish was longer, leaner, smoother, smaller.
I once massaged a woman with extreme anorexia. I literally didn’t know how to work with her body — her muscles were completely wasted away and I was dealing with skin and bone. The worst part was, I was worried that she would be thinking that I was thinking she was fat! As I gently touched her body I realised I needed to change my thoughts and treat her body, ‘her’ with love and respect, no judgement. I poured love into that woman and it was a beautiful massage.
We relentlessly body shame ourselves and the perceptions we hold are often skewed. Yet, our bodies are incredible! They’re resilient, strong, intricate, capable and serve us tirelessly. It’s unfortunate we consistently abuse our bodies with our minds.
My 4-year-old granddaughter loves to dress up in her mother’s high shoes, paint lipstick on her lips, choose the pinkest, frilliest dresses from her closet and walk around like a princess. Not once does she examine her thighs in a mirror and refuse to wear shorts because her legs are ugly!
At what point does this change?
I’m not sure when I first felt shame about my body, when I began comparing myself to others and feeling like my body wasn’t good enough. That I was chubby. That my tummy stuck out. It may have been when I was around 8 years old. It was a school swimming sports day and I was waiting on the side of the pool before a race. A male teacher tapped me on my tummy and said, “that’s not very good”. I remember looking down at my little belly and feeling shocked. Was it bad? Was something wrong with me? I felt ashamed, self-conscious and embarrassed.
Maybe you’ve also had a moment of shame around your body where the words or actions of another caused you to feel inadequate and self-conscious. Or maybe it’s simply the effect of observing unrealistic images of women in magazines, in movies and online.
At what point do we choose to really love our bodies? Is it simply a matter of acceptance? Yes, I don’t have legs like Daisy Duke, but they are strong, sturdy legs that are awesome at mountain biking and look great in my long, black suede boots!
I massage a woman who loves her body. At the beginning of each session I ask, “how’s your body?” Her replies are always affirming. “My body is amazing”, “I’m just loving my curves”, “I feel fabulous”. And she is all woman — curvy, voluptuous, and with cellulite! Her gratitude and appreciation for her body teaches me to love and appreciate mine.