Dealing with kids is hard. Dealing with yourself is hard. Dealing with other people is hard.
I spent most of the preschool years beating myself up as a ‘bad’ mother. I did that quite happily by myself. I didn’t need help, but I certainly got it from well-meaning other people.
Example #1
I have 5 children under 6. I’m a stressed out mess. I’m rushing to get the kids ready for school and preschool. No-one’s listening. I want to kill someone.
“Ok! We’re leaving in 2 minutes. GET YOUR SHOES ON NOW!”
The 3-year-old puts on the wrong shoes, they’re tight and her toes are squashed. I don’t notice.
I drop them ALL off. Such a relief!
Three hours later I dash back for the pick-up.
As I walk in I see the head teacher waiting by my daughter’s cubby hole. That’s not a good sign. I brace myself.
“Do you know your daughter’s shoes are too small for her? You know, this can cause deformities of the big toe. You should really check your children’s shoes and make sure they’re wearing the right size.”
YES, I KNOW THAT. I’M NOT A MORON!
“Oh, she must have put on the wrong shoes this morning.”
Even to me, this sounds like a weak defence. Ok, yes, I’m a BAD mother. My child’s toes are probably curling in deformity as we speak and yes, I’ll shuffle out of preschool today feeling suitably humbled.
Note to self — throw away all shoes that child can possibly find that may be too small.
Example #2
Same preschool. Same child. Same teacher.
A phone call.
“We’ve just had to call the fire brigade. Your daughter climbed up the fence, onto the roof and refuses to get down. Do you encourage this at home?”
Oh yeah, every morning I say to the kids, “Right, roof climbing practise. Up you go. Don’t be scared. It’s not far to the ground.”
OF COURSE I DON’T LET MY KIDS CLIMB ON THE ROOF!
Example #3
Same preschool. Same teacher. Twins.
“Your girls keep looking for food in the rubbish bin. Maybe they’re used to doing this at home? Are you feeding them enough?”
How do you respond to this?
I’m a good mother, really.
Example #4
Same preschool. Snooty mother. 4 year old.
I’m pregnant with child number six and having an afternoon nap. The 4-year-old is also having a sleep. But she isn’t. She’s snuck out her bedroom window.
I get woken by a knock at the door. It’s a mother from preschool, the one that drives a sporty red BMW and always picks her daughter up wearing floral dresses and high heels! She has my daughter.
“I came around the corner and she was sitting in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! I almost hit her! You must take better care of your children. Watch your children!”
Oh, the shame.
I’m a bad, bad
parent.
Example #5
I feel brave and invite another mother and her son over for lunch after preschool. I spend time preparing a quiche, salad and fresh bread. I’m quite the homemaker at this time in my life!
They arrive. The mother has brought her own sandwich and insists on eating it!
My son and his friend are playing in the garage. It’s full of household bits and pieces that have made their way out there for games.
There’s a howl, loud wailing and the friend runs in with blood gushing from a gash above his eyebrow.
My son had thrown a pot high into the air and it landed in an unfortunate place!
The mother screams at me.
“What sort of parent are you? Why would you have such a dangerous thing in your garage? It’s not good enough and now my son is hurt.”
It was a pot.
After they left, to get stitches, I sat on my front doorstep.
I felt like the worst parent on earth.
I felt really, really BAD.
How to feel GOOD as a parent of preschoolers
When they’re asleep, tiptoe into their room, gaze upon their angelic faces and for a brief moment feel really, really GOOD.
It won’t last.