I see other people achieving amazing things, creating financial success, running lucrative businesses, writing books, experiencing travel, freedom, adventure. The crazy thing is, I’m doing many of these things, yet still often feel on a back foot.
I feel envious. An insidious little sick feeling just up under my ribs. In my solar plexus.
It can be challenging when I observe other women living in a way that seems more fun, more exciting and more expansive than my life.
Why is that?
It seems that I’m the most affected when I’m feeling stuck or unfulfilled. When I’m in my flow, doing what I love, feeling excited, alive, inspired — then I really
don’t care. I’m completely in my own lane, living my life, my way, with JOY.
If I feel sick, as a little bubble of envy rises up, then I know I’m not in my groove. I’m a tad off centre, out of alignment with myself. I compare and come off worse! I’m old, boring, stuck.
Facebook is the killer.
When I’m feeling invincible, strong, content, Facebook doesn’t faze me. I scroll through my feed and feel happy for the smiling, fit, beautiful people on overseas holidays to Fiji, Hawaii, Europe. I feel inspired by posts from women achieving their goals and promoting their success.
I send them love and good wishes, knowing I’m on my own journey. There’s no comparing and competition, no envy, there’s enough goodness to go around.
When I’m feeling insecure, off balance, stressed, out of alignment — Facebook is torturous. Everyone’s life seems so much better than mine. I must be a failure. I’m not vlogging. I’m not in Hawaii. I’m not anything.
What’s wrong with me?
I recently deactivated my facebook account. What a relief. I don’t miss it. AT ALL. I feel free of the pressure to check it, to post something worthwhile, to document my latest adventure, life success, meaningful moment or bodily event.
I’ve forgotten my password. That’s a relief too. It’s way too much bother to reset a new one, so I won’t.
I have a wonderful friend, a meditation teacher, a grounded, giant of a woman in terms of her wisdom and understanding. She treads very lightly on the earth.
She has no problem with facebook. She uses it simply as a tool for information, for inspiration, for promoting her business, for sharing uplifting stories and videos with her friends and clients.
I’ve never seen her post a photo of herself. This just wouldn’t occur to her. It’s not about her. It’s not about a need to be validated by a Facebook ‘like’.
I believe she uses Facebook wisely. She’s internally driven without a need for external praise and acclaim. Envy is not her struggle.
I can learn from this.
If I’m not fully feeling good about myself — doing what I love, creating my unique brand of life magic — then I can easily compare, judge and slide into a little self-pitying hole. It helps to look at the person or situation of envy with fresh eyes and to ask some honest questions.
What is it about this person that’s triggering my feelings of low self-esteem and envy?
What can I learn from this person who’s apparently doing something I’m not and that I’m envious of?
What is it I’m lacking in my life?
What is it I need to be doing right now?
I need to get over myself, celebrate the success of another, learn from what they’re doing so well and be humble enough to recognise what I need to do to change.
As a mother of six children, I was always trying to figure out how to make it fair for everyone so that no one would miss out on their needs being met. I realised this was impossible to do as each child had completely different needs, desires and expectations. And there was only one of me!
When one child was receiving more attention in whatever way was needed, I would say to the other’s, “It’s ok, it’s your sister’s turn to get new clothes. Your turn will come. You won’t miss out. So be happy for your sister and she’ll be happy for you when it’s your turn.” This worked perfectly.
There’s enough of everything to go around
There is no lack
You will not miss out
I apply this to my life now.
When I feel that disgusting envious feeling deep inside, I ask myself where it is I’m feeling a lack. I probe a little deeper and unearth what it is I need to bring into my life right now.
Do I need to create more fun, laughter, joy?
Do I need to do something that really expands me?
Recently, the town I live in hosted a Women’s Conference. I looked at the line up of speakers — all incredible women with influential roles in New Zealand and also some women from the local area.
I felt a twinge inside — I would love to be sharing my voice with these women, my stories, my learnings. I haven’t been asked to speak but I have a desire to. Do I wait to be asked? Do I feel resentful and bad because I’m not? Do I shut down with envy?
I discovered 'Medium', an online writing platform.
I’m writing.
Sharing my voice.
Expanding.
And it’s outrageously
good!
This is a world of abundance and you are the creator of your beautiful reality. No need to compare yourself with others.
Stay in your lane and thrive.